never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
