Don't you send me to vm
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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