So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
