I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
