i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
