Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
