ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
