who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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