thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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