I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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