my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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