I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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