She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
