she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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