they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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