PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
