If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Congratulations! We have a period
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