When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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