When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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