We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
