Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
