imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
