I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
