Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm too high and old for this...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
