the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
