I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize