So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
