We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
