Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
