I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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