i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
