Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
