Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
