Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
