so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
