I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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