I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
