A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
