At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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