So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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