How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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