Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
