i think i have herpe
just one?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
