help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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