I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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