Sry I called you an 8
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
