dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
