I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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