You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
