i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
