I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
