the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Everything about him screamed your future.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
